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Sunday, January 6, 2008

It Begins

Content Warning: Breast-feeding talk. Really boring. Just for me to vent. Read it if you want.

We were at dinner last night with a big group of friends and it just suddenly hit me how very excited I am to be done breastfeeding. It has been great for Aiden and I am so glad I did it for him. It has not always been great for me. I still over-produce, leak and the ample fat stores my body seems to find necessary have been a real emotional hurdle. I am very, very thankful I had the opportunity and I don't want to make it sound all bad because I am a little....worried, maybe...about stopping. But I am ready. Beyond ready. (Aiden, thank you so much for making the decision that you like formula now. Your sudden preference for a bottle has made this decision so much easier. I love you, son!)

So here I sit, with cabbage leaves in my bra, sore boobs and dreaming of all the things I will be able to do tomorrow when I'm certain Aiden can go another day without it.

Tara Fontano, who is looking AWESOME thanks to her running program (You go girl! You look fabulous!) gave me some great advice for this week. Even better was her promise that some weight will come off quickly. Can you tell I'm most excited about that part? You have no idea how difficult it is to have your body hold on to so much fat, disappoint your husband and STILL make the decision that is best for your baby, even if it means that you never feel pretty, clothes look terrible on you and it actually, physically hurts to be so large. I am so, so, so proud of myself for making it 9 and a half months! Now I am just hoping that with my good deed done, I can reclaim a more comfortable body size.

I saw this picture in my photo files and I didn't feel like scrapping it but I wanted to post it.

This is Brian and I lounging on the arbor deck at my parent's lake house the day before my brother's wedding in June 2006, about 6 weeks before we got pregnant. My dad took this picture after we had been out on the boat. This was a fun day and Brian and I were so happy. Despite how wind-blown we look, I like this picture. I had graduated college by now, I was working out and at a great, healthy weight and it was only three weeks into the summer and we were already on our second vacation trip! I can't picture life without Aiden but I am envisioning this summer looking something like this and holding lots of family outings for us.
So it begins, after 18 months, I get my body back!


Kelsey said...

You crack me up. Don't beat yourself up. Most people don't last that long at all on breastfeeding. He has gotten what he needed and you did great! Also, that LO should win an award. It is positively PERFECT!

Tara said...

Thanks Tay, although I don't know if you can call 2 weeks of walking kind of fast every other day a "program" - especially since I HATE to run. I need to learn to love it, though, and actually do the running program I told you about!