Wild Child

The church nursery workers swear Aiden is a sweet and fairly quiet, reserved child and I'm convinced they don't know which one is mine. That or whatever posesses him is left outside of the church and sits in the car waiting with 'banket'. Either way, this photo from our family shoot last weekend is my favorite candid EVER!



Notice we BOTH have him by the arm as he squeels and lunges forward with excitement, ready to tackle Kelsey who has just pulled a roll of smarties out of her bag. Smarties are like toddler heroin and yes, I've seen Aiden gnaw all the way through the plastic packaging just to get to them. At 9:30 in the morning. While I check my e-mail and wonder why he's been quiet for three consecutive minutes. (Hold on, while I'm thinking about it I need to go add Smarties to the grocery list...)

Let the Aiden Stories begin!

• I no longer worry about Aiden rushing into the street and being run over by a car because his latest habit has bought me a few more precious seconds for my panicked screams to reach his ears. No mater how fast he has gone barreling towards the road, he now skids to a stop and JUMPS off the curb into the street. Luckily for me he's not Olympic-bound so his longjump is only six inches and most of the time - since he is my son - he looses his balance and has to pause to regain it before bolting into traffic. Or back up the driveway to do it again. This is just one of the many reasons I don't need caffeine; the nearly constant drip of adrenaline provided by such antics keeps me feeling plenty awake. Gray hairs are sprouting up somewhere, I just know it...

• If I was ever disappointed by a husband who wasn't a comedian, I'll learn to be careful what I wish for because my son was born funny. He may be limited to five word sentences but his timing and delivery are flawless. Most of my day is narrated for me in a nasily, finger-up-his-nose toddler voice. He'll ramble past the bathroom and announce "Mommy poops" any time I'm in there loudly blowing my nose. Then, when I get frustrated at the dog (who stands so close to me that I nearly fall and kill us both several times a day), Aiden will shout a string of incoherent scoldings in an oddly familiar tone that typically begin and end with 'Maysher bahd dahg". I'm not complaining about this one because Major is usually so upset at being shouted at by a toddler in a foreign language that he disappears for half an hour. Meanwhile Aiden continues to throw astute observations in with his usual banter. Such as "OW! OW! Mommy hurt! *Mumble Mumble something*" when I (yet again) injure myself and I'm spewing "freaking stupid *mumble, mumble, dont-want-Aiden-to-learn-all-these-words*" in the hallway. Then there was the week I tried DESPERATELY to teach Aiden the color brown. Every time I would put on his brown crocs or brown cargo shorts, I would label the color. One day he said "brown crocs" and I clapped and squeeled like a crazy woman. This was promptly followed by "brown mole" and a sticky little toddler finger pointing out the birthmark on my neck. Okay, next color... Oh, and last but not least is the one that crushes my heart - and he KNOWS IT! If I'm in the office, he'll announce "Mommy Busy" and follow it with a prompt, forceful office door slamming. Nothing pulls me away from my computer faster and lately I've gotten to the point that I'm hardly on the computer during the day at all. It hasn't stopped Aiden from using this trick, though. If my arms are full of toys I'm picking up and I can't get him a juice box that second? SLAM! "Mommy Busy!" Running the vacuum because he decided to color the living room grout lines crayon-style with pretzel sticks? *Rattles the closed-and-baby-locked office doors* "Mommy Busy!" Secretly I think he loves seeing the look on my face and hearing whatever response I give him because it's sure to be chock-full of new vocabulary words (like 'ridiculous', 'pretzel dust everywhere' and 'grout sealant'). He's got character, that's for sure!

• Aiden is honestly good about putting things in the trash and throwing his own trash away half the time without being asked. (I know teens with less compliance rates than that!) Unfortunately he likes throwing things away so much that I'm down a couple hair clips, some chapstick and an entire box of gallon-size ziplock bags. Brian comes to my rescue and pulls the obvious items - like Thomas, Percy and James - out of the garbage but he seems less inclined to rescue my girlie things since they already clutter up the bathroom and he figures Aiden is doing him a favor. It's okay, it probably won't be the last time the boys team up against me! LOL!

• Last week we couldn't leave Build-a-Bear without the blue & red stroller. The stuffed monkey in his cute swimming trunks is still brand new, unplayed-with in the box. The stroller, however, just turned over 100 miles and is the number one reason both the walls and my toenails will need a new coat of paint this week. The thing gets a five star crash-test rating from me. It has been slammed into every vertical surface in this house - including one sneaky trip into the garage to bang it against the big metal garage door panels - and it still looks brand new. Wish I could say the same for my pedicure...

• I've been buying a few things off Ebay including some Thomas the Train toys & Disney pajamas for Aiden. Today one of my winnings arrived in the mail and Brian had Aiden bring the package to me. I told Aiden it was actually for him as I ripped the top of the package open and handed it back. Like a child who has gotten to many socks for Christmas, he flatly and matter-of-factly said "Aiden's Jammies" as he peered blankly into the package. It made me laugh out loud to hear Brian's cynicism in his little two year-old voice! He's right, though. I let him open all the pajamas when they arrived while I opened most of the trains and hid them so I could dole them out during emergencies. Actually, to Aiden's delight, the package contained a new Wall-E robot toy. (I swear, eBay is the only place you can find Wall-E stuff!) I hope the surprise encourages him to have a positive outlook on life. And things that come in the mail. ;)

• And lastly, when I got Aiden up from his nap today, I barely had laid him down for a diaper change when he rattled off "want pancakes, want yogurt, want pizza, want Taco Bell", listing all his favorite foods as fast as he could. I blinked as he stared back at me expectantly and then I cracked a smile when I realized what he wanted to know. "You're hungry for lunch!" "LUNCH! Want lunch! Hungry lunch! Mommy wears shirt." Say WHAT?!! Since when do I not wear a shirt to lunch?!!

He's right again. While I typically do remain clothed for my meal, he does not since I take off his shirt to avoid doing twice as much laundry. I'm happy to hear he prefers his lunch dates not to be topless. :)

P.S. As I was writing all this I realized why Aiden narrates most of my day. It's because every evening and weekend I repeat everything he says for Brian who isn't as well-trained in translating gibberish. Aiden must believe it is good communication, or at least the foundation of good humor. Let's hope we can come to an arrangement at some point in the future where I'll agree to stop translating if he'll agree to quit labeling every hiccup, sneeze and cough as "mommy poops".