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Saturday, November 22, 2008

Tay's Twilight Movie Review

Stephanie Meyer should sue. If she had any control over that massacre of her masterpiece then she should BE sued. It was worse than terrible. I told the girls who saw the movie with me that I rated it as a 'bad camp skit' but I think eighth grade drama production would more accurately describe the train wreck I paid $9.50 to see last night.

First, let me say that I simply do not see HOW Stephanie could write Bella as a reserved but thoughtful, self-sacrificing girl and Edward as an intoxicating, dazzling charmer and allow them both to be played so stormily. They practically growled their lines at each other through a teenage moodiness so oppressing, it would call for immediate anti-depression medication in real life. Did neither of those actors read the book? I also know from high school drama class that if you can't play a character in a 'relaxed and normal' fashion, it's easier to deliver your lines in a sullen or angry tone to somewhat mask your acting inexperience. It was the last thing I expected from Rob Pattinson last night. SHAME ON HIM FOR EVEN CALLING HIMSELF AN ACTOR! His performance, in my opinion, ruined the whole movie. He doesn't look a THING like Edward should have but I thought he was cast because he could act the part. I would have forgiven his appearance had he managed to dazzle the entire audience but he didn't. He didn't even come close. I could have forgiven his lackluster acting had he been the perfect Edward eye candy. Again, not even close.

Kristen Stewart (Bella) did better than I thought she would, based on her LOUSY line deliveries they showed in the previews. She could have fallen down more and wiped the snarl off her face (that she carried through the entire movie) and I would have enjoyed her presentation more. However, the part where they admit they love each other (sort of - it's 'the lion fell in love with the lamb' part), they had been speaking so impatiently with each other and awkwardly walking through the woods that the lines didn't fit the uncomfortable mood of the scene when Edward suddenly blurted them out. Oh, and the 'staged' breakup scene with Edward so they could escape James was piss-poor. Bella didn't cry, she wasn't shouting through her tears and Charlie wasn't banging on her door. She was as calm as if she was packing to go away on a girl's weekend retreat. *eyeroll*

The movie mildly redeemed itself by writing Charlie (Billy Burke) as being funny. He delivered quite a few lines that made me crack up! Even more hilarious is that the audience errupted in unexpected laughter at ROB'S crappy acting when his motions or facial expression, to convey some serious mood, came across as ridiculously comical. (The same goes for Jasper, who looked like he was kicked in the balls before every scene and told to stand up straight.) Taylor Lautner (Jacob) did a pretty good job with his few lines as did Cam Gigandet (James). Ironically, the one vampire in the book that Bella described as being 'very average-looking' was the most attractive male in the movie. Ashley Greene (Alice) was not only PERFECTLY cast but she played her character spot-on. Too bad that was overshadowed by the others, like Nikki Reed (Rosalie) who was so unattractive that you couldn't understand why Hollywood would choose NOW to use a plus-size actress to portray the 'incarnation of pure beauty'. Maybe a 13 year-old somewhere has been saved from bulimia from her bad casting.

I have been (trying) to listen to the music Stephanie Meyers wrote the book to from the odd band Muse and I just don't much care for it, besides the Supermassive Black Hole song on the soundtrack. I did notice that the music is rough, grouchy and a bit aggressive, kind of like the character portrayal in the movie last night. Perhaps this IS what Stephanie was intending as she was writing these characters and what we all know and love as Twilight is the work of an extremely talented behind-the-scenes editor. Maybe the movie depicted the characters as she originally wrote them while rocking out to Muse's hybrid electronica sound. Or maybe Catherine Hardwicke is just a REALLY BAD DIRECTOR and she's to blame for slaughtering the whole thing. Either way I find myself wishing that a bigger, more experienced studio would have picked up the rights to the movie, even if it meant waiting a few more years to see it done well. I will not sit through that ridiculous charade again and I hope it doesn't ruin how much I enjoy the books. Disappointed is hardly a strong enough word for how I feel.

P.S. My friends who had not recently read the first book seemed to like the movie more than I did. I don't consider myself a harsh movie critic - I usually like everything I see - but in my opinion this movie was inexcuseable.

P.P.S. Jamie's Twilight pre-party and the girls night out was AWESOME! I thoroughly enjoyed the girls. We should do things like that more often!


KirstieGai said...

OMG, you just crack me up :) I thoroughly enjoyed your review and it's the first "bad review" that I've heard. I'm dubious about seeing it because I loved the books. It doesn't come out in Sydney until Dec 11th.

Jamie Smith said...

I enjoyed reading your review! I love hearing people's opinions, especially when you have so much to say about it. I guess I wasn't expecting much since I already knew Edward was ugly and that just pretty much ruined the movie for me before it began.

I liked your ending though! I'm glad you came to the pre-party and I definitly agree we need girls nights more often!

Krissy said...

I totally agree with what you said about everything. I could not have said it better myself. The movie was such a waste of time and money to see it! Totally dissapointing!

Jenna said...

Kirstie recommended your review on the Peppermint Creative board and I have to say it actually makes me want to see the movie MORE! All so I can say "hahaha, that's what she was talking about!"

coffee said...

seems likely that they will come out with a Twilight sequel pretty soon, there's a crazy lot of ticket sales at stake