Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Time Flies
Today Aiden is 22 months old and my sister's newborn is 9 days old. How is it possible that time flies by so quickly? Ironcially I remember when Aiden was 9 days old. I whispered in his ear that day that he was my precious little nine-day-old and cuddled with him most of the day, feeling that first pang of panic that he was growing too quickly and never again would his age be in the single-digits of days. Silly, I know, but it's those experiences that made me realize early on that I need to savor every moment! Some are more savory than others but I enjoy them all.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Not Naughty
So here are the latest Aiden phrases & stories:
Aiden woke up this morning and immediately informed me his blanket had caught on fire. ("Mama, blanket fire.") What is this child dreaming about?!!
Actually, the blanket on fire comment was a nice change from the usual string of phrases. Nearly every morning when Aiden wakes up he tells me that fire is hot, scissors cut and chemicals spray. This is his run-down to let me know he remembers and understands all the dangerous things I have taught him about. Perhaps every morning he's telling me that he knows they're dangerous and would like me to butt out so he can play with them and not be uniterrupted today.
He told me yesterday, when I was putting on his shoes to go to the park, that his shoes were crazy. ("Shoes crazy.")
If he moves something heavy, climbs down or does anything dangerous he now tells himself "Careful" before I can. If I hear him say careful from the other room, I usually come running. Today he caught the fridge door before it closed and said "More- careful! Heavy!" as he grunted and carried a 2-liter of Sprite across the kitchen to me. He let out a sigh of relief when I took the nearly-full bottle from him and then said in a very polite tone, to correct his earlier statement, "Mama, more Sprite".
He's resorted to shouting at the top of his lungs "BAHDAHGGEHOWWWT!" (bad dog, get out) whenever Major is in his way. Ironically, it's in the same pitch and tone that I use to shout at Major when he's underfoot in the kitchen. Wonder where he got it....LOL!
When he got bored with eating his breakfast this morning he sat in his high chair and made a little whimper sound and then said "Whine". I told him he was right, that was whining. He made a new whining sound and again said "whine". "Mmm, hmm. That's right Aiden." This was followed by a third, SUPER OBNOXIOUS whining sound that I usually don't hear until it's melt-down time around 5:30 in the evening. I glanced over my shoulder from flipping pancakes and asked him why he was whining. He beamed and said "WHINE!" as if he'd finally figured out exactly what noise I am referring to when I say "No whining, tell me in words." ROFL!
Also new is his tendency to check in with me about his behavior throughout the day by saying "Not naughty" as he does various random things. This has gotten us a couple laughs in public already. It is nice when he pauses to ask "not naughty?" before he pulls out the trash but it's downright hysterical when he asks before he eats his peaches, picks up his Mac truck or takes a drink of his sippy cup. Yesterday he informed me the park was 'not naughty'. Tonight when he asked before climbing on the kitchen table, Brian told him that was naughty. His eyes zoomed to my (forced) serious face and I told him his dad was right. He looked quite sad and immediately climbed down. I made sure he got hugs and attention from us both and wondered if he's asking if we're MAD at him, as opposed to him truly understanding the meaning of naughty. I'll have to watch that - knowing he's unconditionally loved by us is much, much more important than behavior. Besides, if he didn't misbehave I'd have nothing to talk about on my blog!
We've been to the park a lot this week. Yesterday we stopped by one he hasn't been to since he was 9 months. It has a echo tube system where you can talk into the cone end of a metal pipe that goes under the ground and someone on the other side of the playground can hear you through the cone pipe on the other end. Aiden walked cautiously up to one quiet end of the pipe, froze and then told me in a very concerned tone that it was a shower. (He doesn't like showers because he's accidentally turned ours on while he was in the tub and got hosed.) His next fifteen worried references to the 'shower' never failed to elicit giggles from the other parents.
Today after a diaper change Aiden demanded a wet wipe. He proceeded to tell his blanket it was "messy" and then wiped it down with the wet wipe. Later he told blanket it was "not naughty", probably to soothe any hurt feelings he caused after calling it messy.
While I was busy cooking dinner tonight Major started to walk into the kitchen and I gave a quiet command to send him right back out. When he retreated to go stand with Aiden by the table I heard Aiden tell him "Good dog not naughty".
My sister Sheena had baby Kyler by C-section on Monday and she e-mailed us a picture that afternoon. Aiden looooooves babies so I showed him his new cousin and explained it was Aunt Sheena & Uncle Tyler's baby. He very excitedly shouted "BABY! Uncle Sheena baby! Baby Ky-yur!"
Two weeks ago I was cleaning out my jewelry drawer when Aiden found a brown zippered jewelry case with a mirror inside the lid that caught his interest. While he was playing with it an idea hit me and I quickly filled it with some costume jewelry and told him it was pirate treasure. Now he goes to my drawer and asks to play with the "Pirah Trahsur" almost every single day!
I am in the habit of labeling every object that I can think of for Aiden, which is why he knows what some random things - like whisks and chemicals - are called. Today he was watching me put on my makeup and was labeling the products for me. I realized he knows the names of more makeup items than Brian, who still gets eye shadow, eye liner and mascara confused. However, Aiden insists it is all yucky and will throw my entire makeup bag in the trash the moment I turn my back!
On Sunday I scolded Brian for not letting Aiden play with his Transformer and he retorted that I don't let Aiden play with my craft supplies so I can't complain. Yesterday I gave Aiden two flower embellishments to play with. This morning I found them both clean, uncrumpled and sitting neatly on the floor in front of my craft closet doors, as if to say 'These are hideous. You can have them back. I'll trade you for a Transformer.'
You'll hear Aiden say "Get Down" a LOT. Most of the time he says it as he climbs off play equipment (or the kitchen table). We get a big kick out of his most recent use. He will come up to us, raise his arms and shout "GET DOWN" to be picked up. We keep correcting him (Pick me up) but Get Down has stuck.
We have a frequent scenario of Aiden standing somewhere between the kitchen and living room, whining or saying something fast & garbled that I can't understand. So I'll pick him up and ask "What do you want?". Lately he's shaken things up by asking to be picked up (Get Down) and then - before I can ask him - will say "What do you want". If I DARE follow his question by repeating "What do you want?" then he'll throw a huge tantrum, as if it is SO OBVIOUS what he wants! Yesterday I realized he thinks the phrase "what do you want" means "let's stroll through the pantry and see what interests you". Probably because I frequently pick him up in the pantry so he can see what is in on the shelves and in the snack basket. Hence the tantrum - he believes he has clearly asked to be taken into the pantry and I'm stupidly echoing him for my own fun!
And probably the funniest: Aiden often follows his own wind breaking with "I fart", no matter where we are. This is, of course, in addition to the "I poop" bomb he's most likely to shout in the grocery store and other crowded public places. (Except his p's aren't clear so he says "I foof" which isn't nearly as clear as "I fart".) He seems to ignore all my atempts to teach him to say 'excuse me' but today followed "I fart" with "thank you". Seriously. BOYS.
And this one just makes me melt: This week he's been pulling a wedding photo of Brian and I gently off the shelf, quietly studying it and then whispering "Mama, dada" before placing it carefully back on the shelf. Today he held it and quietly sighed "Dada work" before he put the frame away. Aaaaawwww!
Aiden woke up this morning and immediately informed me his blanket had caught on fire. ("Mama, blanket fire.") What is this child dreaming about?!!
Actually, the blanket on fire comment was a nice change from the usual string of phrases. Nearly every morning when Aiden wakes up he tells me that fire is hot, scissors cut and chemicals spray. This is his run-down to let me know he remembers and understands all the dangerous things I have taught him about. Perhaps every morning he's telling me that he knows they're dangerous and would like me to butt out so he can play with them and not be uniterrupted today.
He told me yesterday, when I was putting on his shoes to go to the park, that his shoes were crazy. ("Shoes crazy.")
If he moves something heavy, climbs down or does anything dangerous he now tells himself "Careful" before I can. If I hear him say careful from the other room, I usually come running. Today he caught the fridge door before it closed and said "More- careful! Heavy!" as he grunted and carried a 2-liter of Sprite across the kitchen to me. He let out a sigh of relief when I took the nearly-full bottle from him and then said in a very polite tone, to correct his earlier statement, "Mama, more Sprite".
He's resorted to shouting at the top of his lungs "BAHDAHGGEHOWWWT!" (bad dog, get out) whenever Major is in his way. Ironically, it's in the same pitch and tone that I use to shout at Major when he's underfoot in the kitchen. Wonder where he got it....LOL!
When he got bored with eating his breakfast this morning he sat in his high chair and made a little whimper sound and then said "Whine". I told him he was right, that was whining. He made a new whining sound and again said "whine". "Mmm, hmm. That's right Aiden." This was followed by a third, SUPER OBNOXIOUS whining sound that I usually don't hear until it's melt-down time around 5:30 in the evening. I glanced over my shoulder from flipping pancakes and asked him why he was whining. He beamed and said "WHINE!" as if he'd finally figured out exactly what noise I am referring to when I say "No whining, tell me in words." ROFL!
Also new is his tendency to check in with me about his behavior throughout the day by saying "Not naughty" as he does various random things. This has gotten us a couple laughs in public already. It is nice when he pauses to ask "not naughty?" before he pulls out the trash but it's downright hysterical when he asks before he eats his peaches, picks up his Mac truck or takes a drink of his sippy cup. Yesterday he informed me the park was 'not naughty'. Tonight when he asked before climbing on the kitchen table, Brian told him that was naughty. His eyes zoomed to my (forced) serious face and I told him his dad was right. He looked quite sad and immediately climbed down. I made sure he got hugs and attention from us both and wondered if he's asking if we're MAD at him, as opposed to him truly understanding the meaning of naughty. I'll have to watch that - knowing he's unconditionally loved by us is much, much more important than behavior. Besides, if he didn't misbehave I'd have nothing to talk about on my blog!
We've been to the park a lot this week. Yesterday we stopped by one he hasn't been to since he was 9 months. It has a echo tube system where you can talk into the cone end of a metal pipe that goes under the ground and someone on the other side of the playground can hear you through the cone pipe on the other end. Aiden walked cautiously up to one quiet end of the pipe, froze and then told me in a very concerned tone that it was a shower. (He doesn't like showers because he's accidentally turned ours on while he was in the tub and got hosed.) His next fifteen worried references to the 'shower' never failed to elicit giggles from the other parents.
Today after a diaper change Aiden demanded a wet wipe. He proceeded to tell his blanket it was "messy" and then wiped it down with the wet wipe. Later he told blanket it was "not naughty", probably to soothe any hurt feelings he caused after calling it messy.
While I was busy cooking dinner tonight Major started to walk into the kitchen and I gave a quiet command to send him right back out. When he retreated to go stand with Aiden by the table I heard Aiden tell him "Good dog not naughty".
My sister Sheena had baby Kyler by C-section on Monday and she e-mailed us a picture that afternoon. Aiden looooooves babies so I showed him his new cousin and explained it was Aunt Sheena & Uncle Tyler's baby. He very excitedly shouted "BABY! Uncle Sheena baby! Baby Ky-yur!"
Two weeks ago I was cleaning out my jewelry drawer when Aiden found a brown zippered jewelry case with a mirror inside the lid that caught his interest. While he was playing with it an idea hit me and I quickly filled it with some costume jewelry and told him it was pirate treasure. Now he goes to my drawer and asks to play with the "Pirah Trahsur" almost every single day!
I am in the habit of labeling every object that I can think of for Aiden, which is why he knows what some random things - like whisks and chemicals - are called. Today he was watching me put on my makeup and was labeling the products for me. I realized he knows the names of more makeup items than Brian, who still gets eye shadow, eye liner and mascara confused. However, Aiden insists it is all yucky and will throw my entire makeup bag in the trash the moment I turn my back!
On Sunday I scolded Brian for not letting Aiden play with his Transformer and he retorted that I don't let Aiden play with my craft supplies so I can't complain. Yesterday I gave Aiden two flower embellishments to play with. This morning I found them both clean, uncrumpled and sitting neatly on the floor in front of my craft closet doors, as if to say 'These are hideous. You can have them back. I'll trade you for a Transformer.'
You'll hear Aiden say "Get Down" a LOT. Most of the time he says it as he climbs off play equipment (or the kitchen table). We get a big kick out of his most recent use. He will come up to us, raise his arms and shout "GET DOWN" to be picked up. We keep correcting him (Pick me up) but Get Down has stuck.
We have a frequent scenario of Aiden standing somewhere between the kitchen and living room, whining or saying something fast & garbled that I can't understand. So I'll pick him up and ask "What do you want?". Lately he's shaken things up by asking to be picked up (Get Down) and then - before I can ask him - will say "What do you want". If I DARE follow his question by repeating "What do you want?" then he'll throw a huge tantrum, as if it is SO OBVIOUS what he wants! Yesterday I realized he thinks the phrase "what do you want" means "let's stroll through the pantry and see what interests you". Probably because I frequently pick him up in the pantry so he can see what is in on the shelves and in the snack basket. Hence the tantrum - he believes he has clearly asked to be taken into the pantry and I'm stupidly echoing him for my own fun!
And probably the funniest: Aiden often follows his own wind breaking with "I fart", no matter where we are. This is, of course, in addition to the "I poop" bomb he's most likely to shout in the grocery store and other crowded public places. (Except his p's aren't clear so he says "I foof" which isn't nearly as clear as "I fart".) He seems to ignore all my atempts to teach him to say 'excuse me' but today followed "I fart" with "thank you". Seriously. BOYS.
And this one just makes me melt: This week he's been pulling a wedding photo of Brian and I gently off the shelf, quietly studying it and then whispering "Mama, dada" before placing it carefully back on the shelf. Today he held it and quietly sighed "Dada work" before he put the frame away. Aaaaawwww!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Look Whose Stuff is on UpperCase Living!
Okay, so the vinyl was cut by me (not them - YET) and they are using my image without permission BUT my stuff is on UppercaseLiving.com! How cool, right?!! Wait 'til you see what's next. :D
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Alright, alright
I'll upload some pictures! But I don't have the software for my camera installed on the new computer yet. Now that Christmas is over, here are the pics of Aiden that I gave the grandmas:
(And some others the rest of the family hasn't seen)
(And some others the rest of the family hasn't seen)
My grandmother Mimi (Aiden's great-grandmother) actually started crying when she opened her 8x10 frame of Aiden's head shot and, although her vision is failing, she could see his face. I didn't realize until that moment she hadn't been able to see him as he blurred past her all morning. It honestly made her entire day! Thanks, Kels.
The second one is my favorite. I've had it printed in two different sizes for my house! His eyes are sooooo blue! In just the 6 weeks since this was taken they have begun to change color, darkening a bit. Hopefully they don't darken too much, I want blue-eyed birthday pics in March!
I'll upload the holiday pics from my camera when I find the USB cord...
Friday, December 26, 2008
Little Holiday Reminders
This is the time of year when I reflect on what has past, my goals and my aspirations for the upcoming months. The holidays seem to come in a rush and then screech to a disorienting hault between Christmas and New Years, leaving us lots of time to enjoy family, be a kid again and bury all the phones under the couch cushions. This December there have been several occasions when I've been reminded that it is okay to not be perfect. In fact, it's downright best for your family to not even TRY! LOL! Reviewing these last few wild weeks have left me feeling foolish for not letting a few more little chores go and doing more with Aiden, who is growing with each precious second that ticks by. I'm not one who is big into New Year's resolutions so I am fully planning on planning nothing. I'd like to have more out-of-the-house playtime for Aiden and more productive evenings for myself. (Now made possible by the AWESOME new computer Brian got me for Christmas and the INCREDIBLE Bamboo Fun tablet my in-laws gave me!) This also means I can get back to my designing, which I had to put on hold waaaaay back in August when Super Saturday planning began. I've added some gorgeous new fonts to my collection and I'm dying to play with them!
So what's next? This week it's all about family. And after that I'm going to enjoy everything! My sister's baby will be here in just a few weeks, the weather should be turning cold and my schedule looks refreshingly open. Life is good! I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday week and capturing every moment! I'll see you in 2009. ;)
So what's next? This week it's all about family. And after that I'm going to enjoy everything! My sister's baby will be here in just a few weeks, the weather should be turning cold and my schedule looks refreshingly open. Life is good! I hope you all are having a wonderful holiday week and capturing every moment! I'll see you in 2009. ;)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Tay's Day
Children add enjoyment (and spice) to our lives. If you're kinda bland, you tend to get a spicy child. If you're already pretty firey yourself, apparently it gets extra-concentrated before being passed on to your offspring. At least that's my theory.
The hilarity of my life is not lost on me. I might be ready to pull my hair out around mid-day while the chaos ensues around me but before dinner is over, I'm struggling to tell Brian all the details over my involuntary laughter! Today is a perfect example. In 72 hours I'll have who-knows-how-many family members here for Christmas and I decided to brave the grocery store this morning. With Aiden. I should know better by now but I'm working on a tight holiday schedule and the stress is causing lapses in my judgement. I had a shopping list as long as my arm and when I had to park in the only open spot on the end of one of the furthest rows during what would have normally been a slow time of the day, I knew this wasn't going to be fun.
After thirty minutes of being polite to slow-moving strangers who are shopping without an irritable toddler, I only have the first ten items checked off my list and I'm getting nowhere fast. Every aisle is a maze of carts and the crawling pace has me grumbling and Aiden shouting. I was about ready to plow down every single middle-aged man ambling slowly through the mayhem, clutching a grocery list written in their wife's hand, staring blankly at the shelves and looking lost while managing to block both directions of aisle traffic as they squint at the rows of products in front of them. I felt even more hostile when, for the first time, some decrepit, sloth-paced strangers actually began making rude little sighs and sounds in the back of their throats at Aiden's misbehavior as we closed in on hour two of shopping and he hit the stage beyond meltdown that I like to call 'throwdown'.
It always starts off slow, with Aiden's mild boredom turning into misbehavior which turns into blatant naughtiness, hoping it will mean immediate removal from whatever horrid store I have drug him into. Today I was combing the first-aid section for band-aids for about thirty seconds when I turned back towards the cart to find Aiden sitting perfectly still, hands polietly in his lap and his eyes gazing innocently into mine, with thirteen bottles of calamine lotion strewn across his seat, lined neatly in the handlebar basket and shoved into both of the cart's drink holders. The sudden appearance of so many bottles startled me and I let out a laughing "What?!!" because I hadn't heard a sound as he'd pulled them from the shelf!
Not five minutes later we're on the cereal aisle, where I'm trying to quickly pick a hot cocoa flavor while traffic backs up, and I hear the sound of plastic stressing and fracturing beside me. I wheel around to find Aiden removing a long, thin hanging display from the shelf ledge, saying "Oh, no! I break it" while a half-dozen unimpressed shoppers watch over my shoulder. (Where in the HECK are all the grumpy old people coming from today?) I give Aiden a reminder not to touch hanging displays - with a poorly concealed humorous grin - as I wheel us away. I'm trying to keep his discomfort to a minimum so when I see that the baking aisle is moving about as fast as a post office line, I detour over to the toy section to hunt for some stocking stuffers. I'm looking at cars when a man walks by, spies Aiden's spikey hair and playfully says "Hey cool dude!" Without missing a BEAT Aiden repeats "coo dude!" in a delighted voice and then instantly drops to a more serious tone to add "Daddy at work", as if to ensure the stranger knows who this cool dude and his mommy love. I freeze, keeping my back turned, and hold my breath to keep it from rushing out in laughter at my toddler's hilariously random responses! I never saw the guy or his reaction but I hope he wasn't too offended that a toddler pointed out his dad was working when he wasn't! LOL!
I end up finding some tiny Tonka cars & trucks on clearance for 50¢ and a Lightning McQueen book. Stocked with new distrations, I get in the baking aisle line. I select my items and am ambling along, waiting to exit the end of the row when we pass the bags of baking morsels and Aiden begins very loudly and clearly repeating "WANT CANDY", enunciating every word with increased volume. How do you explain that something on this aisle that looks like tiny Hershey's kisses actually doesn't taste like regular Hershey's kisses to a 21 month-old? The place is so full of fifty-somethings I don't even glance around to acknowledge the judgemental stares.
The next episode is in the meat & cheese section where Aiden feels it is his personal duty to ensure that our shred cheese is also mashed before it gets home. When I select a steak, one of Aiden's favorite dinners, he drops the cheese and shouts "STEAK!" I hear a few chuckles from the younger dads around me as I back the cart away, running over the dropped bag of mashed cheese I didn't see, and head for the deli.
Aiden is 'cart surfing' (standing up in his seat making animal noises) by the time we're there and the length of the deli line brings me to a screeching hault. My son's loud and accurate monkey noises - complete with butt-in-the-air bouncing motions - have all sixteen pairs of eyes on me in an instant. A sweet grandmother helping at the deli counter smiles and slightly nods in the direction of a cafeteria cart of popular pre-sliced, bagged & priced deli cuts intended to spare those bedraggled by the holidays. Bless her heart, she even comes over to entertain (the now neighing) Aiden so I can sort through the pile to find turkey & swiss cheese. Of course the second someone else pays him attention, Aiden plops his little bum on the seat and gazes at her in angelic silence, with the same melting smile that makes you pay ridiculous amounts for a grocery store Lightning McQueen book.
Second to last stop is the produce section and my least favorite place to have Aiden. Every fruit & vegetable I place in the cart is followed by pleading and a temper tantrum, only to be interrupted by the next fresh food and corresponding temper tantrum. (These have started over completely raw steaks as I put them in the basket, too. Ridiculous!) I almost felt relieved when I bagged up three jumbo heads of broccoli, knowing Aiden wouldn't be going for a sixth round of 'Mom, WANT!' and fake crying. Stupid me.
I'm trying to sneak strawberries in the cart without him seeing when a broccoli floret hits me in the cheek. I glance up and Aiden cautiously says "I fro....?" and then looks at me as if to say 'could you please name that vegetable for me?' I try to keep a serious face as I ask "Did you throw broccoli at me?" but seriously, I'm only slightly better behaved in public than he is. He thinks about it for a second and repeats "brocoyucky". I can't contain my laughter! I'm trademarking the name because I'm certain millions of children will agree it is, indeed, brocoyucky and any book with such a humorous title would be wildly popular among the refuse-to-eat-it crowd!
The last item I need is vanilla ice cream so off to the frozen foods we go. I notice Aiden is oddly still, like he's watching something. I had just pried the broccoli from his little grip for the fifth time and in a much more menacing mommy tone told him he was to not touch the brocoyucky again. I pull the ice cream off the shelf and as the fogged-up glass door swings shut, it reveals Aiden, head tilted all the way back with his hands wrapped tightly around the thick base of the largest broccoli stem, trying to shove the entire head into his mouth. He looks like a giant trying to swallow an uprooted oak tree whole. Stunned and exasperated, I shout "SON!" He jumps and then, in one rapid move, quickly pitches the broccoli over his head into the basket and shouts back "NAUGHTY BROCOYUCKY!"
I'm barreling the cart towards the checkout lanes, promising myself I really will run over anyone that gets in the way of my plan to get this child down for a nap as soon as possible. I'm in luck and find a cashier just finishing up a transaction with no one else in line. Unloading the cart brings back all the same tantrums I endured while loading the cart. When the broccoli goes on the conveyor belt, Aiden's hissy fit hits a new level and a can of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup, most likely thrown with the intent to hit me, lands nicely on the moving conveyor belt and rides up for it's turn to be scanned. Now we have a new problem. His sippy cup, my coupon organizer, the already-paid-for cough perscription and a shoe hit the conveyor belt next. My verbal requests to not throw anything else on top of the produce go ignored so I have to stop unloading the cart and leap to catch him as he leans too far over to dump his fruit snacks on the moving black belt next. I save the fruit snacks, get him re-seated, unload the last few things and push he and the cart ahead of me for the bagger to load. I'm doing controlled inhales and exhales at the card swipe machine while Aiden is the bag boy's problem for a moment. And then I see it. Coming defiantly and triumphantly down the conveyor belt at the very end of the line is the empty, crumpled foil fruit snack wrapper. I've been outdone. Against all odds, more spice has been added to my already crazy, spiced-up life and he's the best one yet. He constantly reminds me that I simply will not be allowed to take anything too seriously or ever be too stubborn because it's useless. He's teaching me that when those empty wrappers come down the line in life and they're nothing more than a fleeting moment's inconvenience, JUST LAUGH!
The hilarity of my life is not lost on me. I might be ready to pull my hair out around mid-day while the chaos ensues around me but before dinner is over, I'm struggling to tell Brian all the details over my involuntary laughter! Today is a perfect example. In 72 hours I'll have who-knows-how-many family members here for Christmas and I decided to brave the grocery store this morning. With Aiden. I should know better by now but I'm working on a tight holiday schedule and the stress is causing lapses in my judgement. I had a shopping list as long as my arm and when I had to park in the only open spot on the end of one of the furthest rows during what would have normally been a slow time of the day, I knew this wasn't going to be fun.
After thirty minutes of being polite to slow-moving strangers who are shopping without an irritable toddler, I only have the first ten items checked off my list and I'm getting nowhere fast. Every aisle is a maze of carts and the crawling pace has me grumbling and Aiden shouting. I was about ready to plow down every single middle-aged man ambling slowly through the mayhem, clutching a grocery list written in their wife's hand, staring blankly at the shelves and looking lost while managing to block both directions of aisle traffic as they squint at the rows of products in front of them. I felt even more hostile when, for the first time, some decrepit, sloth-paced strangers actually began making rude little sighs and sounds in the back of their throats at Aiden's misbehavior as we closed in on hour two of shopping and he hit the stage beyond meltdown that I like to call 'throwdown'.
It always starts off slow, with Aiden's mild boredom turning into misbehavior which turns into blatant naughtiness, hoping it will mean immediate removal from whatever horrid store I have drug him into. Today I was combing the first-aid section for band-aids for about thirty seconds when I turned back towards the cart to find Aiden sitting perfectly still, hands polietly in his lap and his eyes gazing innocently into mine, with thirteen bottles of calamine lotion strewn across his seat, lined neatly in the handlebar basket and shoved into both of the cart's drink holders. The sudden appearance of so many bottles startled me and I let out a laughing "What?!!" because I hadn't heard a sound as he'd pulled them from the shelf!
Not five minutes later we're on the cereal aisle, where I'm trying to quickly pick a hot cocoa flavor while traffic backs up, and I hear the sound of plastic stressing and fracturing beside me. I wheel around to find Aiden removing a long, thin hanging display from the shelf ledge, saying "Oh, no! I break it" while a half-dozen unimpressed shoppers watch over my shoulder. (Where in the HECK are all the grumpy old people coming from today?) I give Aiden a reminder not to touch hanging displays - with a poorly concealed humorous grin - as I wheel us away. I'm trying to keep his discomfort to a minimum so when I see that the baking aisle is moving about as fast as a post office line, I detour over to the toy section to hunt for some stocking stuffers. I'm looking at cars when a man walks by, spies Aiden's spikey hair and playfully says "Hey cool dude!" Without missing a BEAT Aiden repeats "coo dude!" in a delighted voice and then instantly drops to a more serious tone to add "Daddy at work", as if to ensure the stranger knows who this cool dude and his mommy love. I freeze, keeping my back turned, and hold my breath to keep it from rushing out in laughter at my toddler's hilariously random responses! I never saw the guy or his reaction but I hope he wasn't too offended that a toddler pointed out his dad was working when he wasn't! LOL!
I end up finding some tiny Tonka cars & trucks on clearance for 50¢ and a Lightning McQueen book. Stocked with new distrations, I get in the baking aisle line. I select my items and am ambling along, waiting to exit the end of the row when we pass the bags of baking morsels and Aiden begins very loudly and clearly repeating "WANT CANDY", enunciating every word with increased volume. How do you explain that something on this aisle that looks like tiny Hershey's kisses actually doesn't taste like regular Hershey's kisses to a 21 month-old? The place is so full of fifty-somethings I don't even glance around to acknowledge the judgemental stares.
The next episode is in the meat & cheese section where Aiden feels it is his personal duty to ensure that our shred cheese is also mashed before it gets home. When I select a steak, one of Aiden's favorite dinners, he drops the cheese and shouts "STEAK!" I hear a few chuckles from the younger dads around me as I back the cart away, running over the dropped bag of mashed cheese I didn't see, and head for the deli.
Aiden is 'cart surfing' (standing up in his seat making animal noises) by the time we're there and the length of the deli line brings me to a screeching hault. My son's loud and accurate monkey noises - complete with butt-in-the-air bouncing motions - have all sixteen pairs of eyes on me in an instant. A sweet grandmother helping at the deli counter smiles and slightly nods in the direction of a cafeteria cart of popular pre-sliced, bagged & priced deli cuts intended to spare those bedraggled by the holidays. Bless her heart, she even comes over to entertain (the now neighing) Aiden so I can sort through the pile to find turkey & swiss cheese. Of course the second someone else pays him attention, Aiden plops his little bum on the seat and gazes at her in angelic silence, with the same melting smile that makes you pay ridiculous amounts for a grocery store Lightning McQueen book.
Second to last stop is the produce section and my least favorite place to have Aiden. Every fruit & vegetable I place in the cart is followed by pleading and a temper tantrum, only to be interrupted by the next fresh food and corresponding temper tantrum. (These have started over completely raw steaks as I put them in the basket, too. Ridiculous!) I almost felt relieved when I bagged up three jumbo heads of broccoli, knowing Aiden wouldn't be going for a sixth round of 'Mom, WANT!' and fake crying. Stupid me.
I'm trying to sneak strawberries in the cart without him seeing when a broccoli floret hits me in the cheek. I glance up and Aiden cautiously says "I fro....?" and then looks at me as if to say 'could you please name that vegetable for me?' I try to keep a serious face as I ask "Did you throw broccoli at me?" but seriously, I'm only slightly better behaved in public than he is. He thinks about it for a second and repeats "brocoyucky". I can't contain my laughter! I'm trademarking the name because I'm certain millions of children will agree it is, indeed, brocoyucky and any book with such a humorous title would be wildly popular among the refuse-to-eat-it crowd!
The last item I need is vanilla ice cream so off to the frozen foods we go. I notice Aiden is oddly still, like he's watching something. I had just pried the broccoli from his little grip for the fifth time and in a much more menacing mommy tone told him he was to not touch the brocoyucky again. I pull the ice cream off the shelf and as the fogged-up glass door swings shut, it reveals Aiden, head tilted all the way back with his hands wrapped tightly around the thick base of the largest broccoli stem, trying to shove the entire head into his mouth. He looks like a giant trying to swallow an uprooted oak tree whole. Stunned and exasperated, I shout "SON!" He jumps and then, in one rapid move, quickly pitches the broccoli over his head into the basket and shouts back "NAUGHTY BROCOYUCKY!"
I'm barreling the cart towards the checkout lanes, promising myself I really will run over anyone that gets in the way of my plan to get this child down for a nap as soon as possible. I'm in luck and find a cashier just finishing up a transaction with no one else in line. Unloading the cart brings back all the same tantrums I endured while loading the cart. When the broccoli goes on the conveyor belt, Aiden's hissy fit hits a new level and a can of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup, most likely thrown with the intent to hit me, lands nicely on the moving conveyor belt and rides up for it's turn to be scanned. Now we have a new problem. His sippy cup, my coupon organizer, the already-paid-for cough perscription and a shoe hit the conveyor belt next. My verbal requests to not throw anything else on top of the produce go ignored so I have to stop unloading the cart and leap to catch him as he leans too far over to dump his fruit snacks on the moving black belt next. I save the fruit snacks, get him re-seated, unload the last few things and push he and the cart ahead of me for the bagger to load. I'm doing controlled inhales and exhales at the card swipe machine while Aiden is the bag boy's problem for a moment. And then I see it. Coming defiantly and triumphantly down the conveyor belt at the very end of the line is the empty, crumpled foil fruit snack wrapper. I've been outdone. Against all odds, more spice has been added to my already crazy, spiced-up life and he's the best one yet. He constantly reminds me that I simply will not be allowed to take anything too seriously or ever be too stubborn because it's useless. He's teaching me that when those empty wrappers come down the line in life and they're nothing more than a fleeting moment's inconvenience, JUST LAUGH!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Tay's Totally Cheating 'Best Ever' Pancakes
Sometimes my kitchen adventures catch small appliances on fire. And sometimes they result in an amazing new concoction . My pancake recipie is one of them.
When Brian and I were first married I couldn't make pancakes from scratch to save my life. They always turned out AWFUL. Last month when Brian made a batch following the same old recipie, they tasted worse than mine ever did. (In Brian's defense, it was the stale baking powder that ruined his batch.) Two years ago I decided to give in and start using Bisquick to make pancakes and I never looked back. This summer, while delirious from lack of sleep, I mixed up the waffle and pancake recipies half-way through making the batter and discovered the pancakes tasted a lot like the ones they serve at The Cracker Barrel. Here's the recipie for my delicious screw-up:
Tay's Totally Cheating 'Best Ever' Pancakes:
2 heaping cups Bisquick
2 tablespoons white granulated sugar
1 and 1/3 cup milk
2 tablespoons cooking oil
May Also Need:
1/4 cup Bisquick for thickening if needed (you might need to add this on humid days)
1 tablesppon milk for thinning if needed
Combine all these ingredients in a bowl and stir until the big lumps are broken up. Batter should be slightly thick, more like a waffle batter. Add another 1/4 cup Bisquick if the batter is too thin or runny like cake batter. (Relax, you can't screw this up! It's Tay-proof.) Spray a hot griddle with any cooking spray and cook the pancakes according to the Bisquick box directions from here. They should make thick, fat pancakes. When you pull them off the griddle, smear each one with butter while they're still hot or drizzle warm melted butter over them if they have cooled. Serve smothered in syrup.
Please Note: NEVER ADD EGGS TO THIS RECIPIE! Or any Bisquick pancake or waffle recipie for that matter. It has been my experience that eggs ruin the flavor and soft texture of all pancakes.
If You Want To Add Nuts:
Add an extra slosh (1 tablespoon) of milk to the batter and stir well before adding extra Bisquick for thickening. Usually you won't need to thicken it.
If You Want To Add Spices:
Throw them in! No special steps required.
Tip: Don't ask me why but the HEB brand of 'Bisquick' (Hill Country Fare All-Purpose Baking Mix) makes the most delicious version of this recipie and is actually what I was using when I messed it all up and stumbled across this yummy combination. ;)
When Brian and I were first married I couldn't make pancakes from scratch to save my life. They always turned out AWFUL. Last month when Brian made a batch following the same old recipie, they tasted worse than mine ever did. (In Brian's defense, it was the stale baking powder that ruined his batch.) Two years ago I decided to give in and start using Bisquick to make pancakes and I never looked back. This summer, while delirious from lack of sleep, I mixed up the waffle and pancake recipies half-way through making the batter and discovered the pancakes tasted a lot like the ones they serve at The Cracker Barrel. Here's the recipie for my delicious screw-up:
Tay's Totally Cheating 'Best Ever' Pancakes:
2 heaping cups Bisquick
2 tablespoons white granulated sugar
1 and 1/3 cup milk
2 tablespoons cooking oil
May Also Need:
1/4 cup Bisquick for thickening if needed (you might need to add this on humid days)
1 tablesppon milk for thinning if needed
Combine all these ingredients in a bowl and stir until the big lumps are broken up. Batter should be slightly thick, more like a waffle batter. Add another 1/4 cup Bisquick if the batter is too thin or runny like cake batter. (Relax, you can't screw this up! It's Tay-proof.) Spray a hot griddle with any cooking spray and cook the pancakes according to the Bisquick box directions from here. They should make thick, fat pancakes. When you pull them off the griddle, smear each one with butter while they're still hot or drizzle warm melted butter over them if they have cooled. Serve smothered in syrup.
Please Note: NEVER ADD EGGS TO THIS RECIPIE! Or any Bisquick pancake or waffle recipie for that matter. It has been my experience that eggs ruin the flavor and soft texture of all pancakes.
If You Want To Add Nuts:
Add an extra slosh (1 tablespoon) of milk to the batter and stir well before adding extra Bisquick for thickening. Usually you won't need to thicken it.
If You Want To Add Spices:
Throw them in! No special steps required.
Tip: Don't ask me why but the HEB brand of 'Bisquick' (Hill Country Fare All-Purpose Baking Mix) makes the most delicious version of this recipie and is actually what I was using when I messed it all up and stumbled across this yummy combination. ;)
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